Armpit Sweat on the Lettuce, yuuummm!

There is another food recall going on right now. This time it is romaine lettuce that is grown, processed and distributed by a company in Salinas, California. The lettuce tested positive for Salmonella, armpit and ball sack sweat. This is just one of a number of outbreaks involving cookie dough, peanut butter, tomatoes, lettuce and jalepenos.

This is just a shot in the dark, but don’t you think that the illegal Mexican Immigrants who work in these places, and they DO work in these places so don’t fool yourself, might be trying to make our Gringo asses sick as fuck? It wouldn’t surprise me if a Mexican line worker grabbed a tomato or two and polished it on his/her crotch. I know I would if I were them. The ones who control the food control us all.

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In some bittersweet news, today, a factory worker in Camden, New Jersey died by falling into a deep vat of boiling chocolate.

The 29-year-old man was walking on top of the vat this morning when he fell into an opening and got caught in the machinery mixing the chocolate. He died later from sustained injuries.

Willy Wonka wasn’t available for comment.

Don’t be surprised if your next chocolate bar has a tooth in it.

Death by Chocolate

Serves/Makes: 10    |   Difficulty Level: 3    |   Ready In: > 5 hrs

Ingredients:

1 penis–uncircumcised, testicles optional(warning: might spoil)

1 package Dark Chocolate Cake Mix — “pudding in mix” kind

1 toenail–toe cheese optional

1 cup Kahlua 4 boxes jello chocolate mousse — prepared

2 fingers–finely chopped
4 bars Skor candy bars — broken
1 large cool whip — largest tub

1 1/2 eyeballs–without cataracts

Directions:
Prepare cake in 13″ x 9″ glass baking dish. When cool, pierce cake with a fork all over and pour kalua over top. Cover with plastic wrap and chill overnight.

Prepare mousse. In a 3 1/2 quart trifle bowl, layer broken up cake pieces, mousse, candy, eyeballs, toenail, fingers, and cool whip (3 layers each). Sprinkle Skor candy pieces on top.

What do you think?

Hundreds of spectators and tens of contestants celebrated Independence Day with good old fashioned American gluttony at Nathan’s Famous July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, New York.

What’s better than wearing red, white and blue and playing with your food, shoving your pie hole with more food than people, in some countries, consume in a year.

Assholes

It happens all the time all over the world. Fish throwing contests in Australia, the thousands of  tourists who gather at the Tomato Food Fight Festival in Spain, and the Spam Carving Contests here in the United States to name a few.

Basically, wherever “white” people gather into groups, food is getting binged, tossed, stabbed, and of course, thrown away.

Haitian Woman Selling Mud Cookies

I can bet you that the Haitians are not carving funny faces into the mud cookies they have to eat in order to stave off hunger.

Maybe instead of playing with your food you fucking pigs, use that energy to feed the indigent ones who really need it.

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Eat Me.

I want to say up front that this is my fault, I am weak, I eat at McDonald’s. I am too lazy sometimes to fix a meal at home. So I get in the car and go through the drive-thru at the one near by.

I order the usual, double meat all the way with large fries and soda. The food is decent most of the time, but only when they get the order right, which, I am sad to say is less than half the time. Because when I get home and pull the food out of the bag, surprise, surprise, the order is wrong. And it is not just this McDonald’s, but almost every McDonald’s that I have frequented over any period of time.

So I always find myself asking the question. “What Happened?” I would think that an establishment this old would have their conveyor belt approach to drive-thru service refined by now.

And I can’t help but think that there are some really stupid people working at these places. Either they are stupid, or they just don’t care. I think it is a little bit of both. And if they are wise to their fuck up, they don’t give a damn because they think by the time I get home, either I won’t notice the order is wrong and/or I will be too lazy to do something about it. Ineptitude or indifference, I don’t care anymore, it is just plain stealing.

But no matter how many times I get screwed in the McDonald’s drive-thru, like a stupid animal, I keep going back. I guess because somewhere in my subconscious, I have accepted mediocrity. And that is what is truly pathetic.