Thank's Bruno

If the Google search engine was a girl, it would be squealing gleeful sweet nothings in your ear right now, because it has been getting more cock than usual lately. A TON more cock. Cock searches, that is. And it is all because of the Bruno movie. You can also add balls, dick and penis to that list too. I know this because of the flood of traffic over the last few weeks that has arrived on my Bruno post that I wrote shortly after I saw the movie.

Since the movie first came out till now, it hasn’t let up. Searches for “Bruno’s cock video,” or Bruno big cock,” and many, many synonyms/variations in phrases there of.  The movie Bruno has generated so many cock searches I figured out why GLAAD(Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) was so pissed. Bruno was getting more cock than they were. Rim-shot!

I am still wondering what the fascination is though. Sure, there is a big bouncy cock in the movie, so what. Are people, after watching the movie, wondering if it is actually his cock? And you are reading this thinking, ‘where the fuck have you been, idiot?! Well, I haven’t researched it myself, obviously. But I think it was a stunt cock. If anyone wants to shed some light on the Bruno(Sacha Baron Cohen) cock mystery, leave a comment and let us all know. Someone is gonna have to wrestle Cohen to the ground and pull his cock out, to know for sure, lol. Otherwise, Cohen will remain forever dubious on the subject. God damn now I am searching for Bruno’s cock and balls on Google. FUCK ME!

(No cocks were harmed in the writing of this post)

People have burned Harry Potter books because it was an “evil abomination.” That was one extreme. The other extreme is to be so obsessed with Harry Potter, that you would kill yourself after you hear a plot spoiler from the movie.

That is exactly what one crazy Ohio man did yesterday. 32-year-old Jude “nut job” Ralston committed suicide after he unwittingly overheard a plot spoiler from the new J. K. Rowling movie, “Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince.” Ralston left a suicide note saying that he “no longer had a reason to live” after hearing the plot spoiler.

Ralston was already known to be a Harry Potter fanatic. Sources from Ralston’s town say that it began when he changed his license plate to say “Hogwarts.” And eventually, Ralston started wearing a wizard cap around town(LOL, what the fuck?!). Polly Clovis, an acquaintance of Ralston’s, said they should have seen the wizard cap as “a cry for help.”(Uh, you think? You dumb bitch)

Apparently, the Potter freak would do anything in his power to help from hearing spoilers, including disconnecting his computer from the internet and even evading his favorite comic book store.

After Mr. Ralston’s death, Miss Clovis would like federal authorities to restrict Harry Potter info from leaking out, in order to prevent similar calamities.

Are you fucking kidding me? That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Federal authorities charged with restricting the flow of Harry Potter info, lol? That’s a hoot. Like it’s their fault. It sounds to me like this dude would have found any excuse to do himself in. He was probably one step away from shooting up a McDonald’s. Better him that us.

How about, instead of restricting the flow, we increase it and all of the closet Harry Potter freaks will expose themselves, running around naked in the streets, having sex with animals, jumping off buildings thinking they can fly, etc. That will be fun.

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GLAAD(Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), was in headlines a few weeks ago, upset and sounding off on gossip blogger Perez Hilton because he called The Black Eyed Peas Will.I.Am a fucking “faggot.” Well, I think Perez Hilton had the right to call someone a faggot because he’s gay. Just like African-Americans can call each other niggers if they wanted to. I also believe the handicapped can make fun of other handicapped. So, following that logic, what the fuck is the difference. Personally, I don’t like Perez Hilton, not because he’s gay or because he makes fun of celebrities, I just don’t like his face. I think it looks weird. So, from one weird face to another, I am within my rights to say his face is weird. So there! Fuckers.

Two Extras in Bruno, Both From the Heartland

Anyways, so I was reading this article recently in the Los Angeles Times by Programs Director of GLAAD Rashad Robinson entitled “Bruno [the movie] Doesn’t Help Gays.” In the very beginning he says that the movie is meant to “satirize homophobia, but too often misses the mark.” I am already thinking, who the fuck said this movie was a satire. I guess you could call it that. You could also call it a documentary on how many retarded people there are in America’s heartland.

So yeah maybe Bruno was making a satirical statement on intolerance. I don’t know for sure and I don’t give a fuck. All I care about is that it made me laugh and that is why I spent the money and time on it. And I didn’t walk out of the theater thinking any less of gays. GLAAD has a problem with the movie. They need to stop crying and show that a little old movie doesn’t bother them. They are acting like PETA(People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals); if someone steps on an ant PETA goes ballistic. GLAAD, don’t become another PETA, you cry wolf enough times and you’ll be a joke. Choose your battles a little better. Besides, I believe most audiences will be smart enough and hip enough not to read too much into the movie, like you(GLAAD) are. And I am sure these audiences won’t watch the movie and then walk away saying, “Oh my God gay people are so gay” and then form a posse and go gay bashing. Now, the heartland hillbillies might, but don’t worry GLAAD, they’ll be inbreeding themselves into oblivion soon enough.

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Bruno ist die Nummer eins!

So I saw Bruno at last night’s midnight showing and I have to say it was exactly what I expected: Hilarious, Daring, Awkward, and Outrageous. There were times when I wanted to take a drink of my soda and then I thought, “better not,” or it might end up sprayed all over the two rows of people directly in front of me.

Warning: Spoilers ahead. There was one part of the movie where Bruno is testing a TV show idea to some viewers. One part of the video had a close up shot of someone’s rather large cock bouncing up and down and swinging in circles. The look on the viewer’s faces was priceless. They thought this was a serious screening. I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack because I was laughing so hard.

One thing is absolutely certain, Sacha Baron Cohen has balls. Because he is imposing his character of Bruno on real, unsuspecting people, there were times in the movie that I thought Bruno was going to get slugged in the mouth. For example, there is this part where Bruno is in Alabama, in the woods hunting with these three hicks. In the middle of the night, the camera shows Bruno nude, trying to enter a tent of one of the hillbillies. For sure, I thought that shit kicker in the tent was going to brutalize Bruno, but it didn’t happen. At least not on film.

Bruno is crass, yes, but it is suppose to be. All the controversy surrounding Bruno is exactly what Mr. Cohen wants, it’s free publicity. Is this film insensitive to gays? It probably is, but so are a lot of other films, books, music, etc. Gay stereotypes have been around for a long fucking time. That’s old-hat, it’s been done before…boring. Mr. Cohen knows this. What makes Bruno funny, obviously, is not Cohen’s absurd parody of a gay man, but how real people react to that character. Cohen wants to show how people react to the most extreme and ridiculous idea of a gay individual. Sort of an in your face, let’s see what the fuck happens and exploit it on camera, psychology experiment.

Bruno ist Mode!

There were a lot of real people caught making hateful remarks in the movie. Scenes that the film claimed were in Alabama and Texas, parts of the country known as the bible belt. Hatemongers, religious freaks, dumb hillbillies, and anybody the film’s producers could target and get the reaction they wanted, are in the movie. And boy, did they get a reaction. It was movie gold. I am so happy that the real people depicted in this film are being exposed for the assholes they are.

Truthfully, I don’t think the character of Bruno is nearly as funny as Cohen’s other character, Borat, who’s personality was original and genuinely funny. Borat also had an endearing quality that helped balance out the character’s outrageous behavior. You won’t find anything original or endearing about Bruno. The character Bruno is a predictable gay stereotype who is somewhat bland, however the situations that arise with real people and that are pushed to the absolute limits, is what makes the film interesting to watch, and worth your time and money. Just make sure you take the kids, they’ll love it. Definitely a family film.

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