People have burned Harry Potter books because it was an “evil abomination.” That was one extreme. The other extreme is to be so obsessed with Harry Potter, that you would kill yourself after you hear a plot spoiler from the movie.

That is exactly what one crazy Ohio man did yesterday. 32-year-old Jude “nut job” Ralston committed suicide after he unwittingly overheard a plot spoiler from the new J. K. Rowling movie, “Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince.” Ralston left a suicide note saying that he “no longer had a reason to live” after hearing the plot spoiler.

Ralston was already known to be a Harry Potter fanatic. Sources from Ralston’s town say that it began when he changed his license plate to say “Hogwarts.” And eventually, Ralston started wearing a wizard cap around town(LOL, what the fuck?!). Polly Clovis, an acquaintance of Ralston’s, said they should have seen the wizard cap as “a cry for help.”(Uh, you think? You dumb bitch)

Apparently, the Potter freak would do anything in his power to help from hearing spoilers, including disconnecting his computer from the internet and even evading his favorite comic book store.

After Mr. Ralston’s death, Miss Clovis would like federal authorities to restrict Harry Potter info from leaking out, in order to prevent similar calamities.

Are you fucking kidding me? That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Federal authorities charged with restricting the flow of Harry Potter info, lol? That’s a hoot. Like it’s their fault. It sounds to me like this dude would have found any excuse to do himself in. He was probably one step away from shooting up a McDonald’s. Better him that us.

How about, instead of restricting the flow, we increase it and all of the closet Harry Potter freaks will expose themselves, running around naked in the streets, having sex with animals, jumping off buildings thinking they can fly, etc. That will be fun.

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